


This Is The Easy Part

by redwolfehunter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandonment, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Celtic Mythology & Folklore, Explicit Language, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Self Confidence Issues, Underage Drinking, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2018-04-03
Packaged: 2018-11-07 15:12:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11061621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redwolfehunter/pseuds/redwolfehunter
Summary: You left your home when you were 18. Little did you know that your new home would become the Winchesters





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will probably be a multichapter story  
> Also, I'm as of yet unsure if there will be anything sexual with any of the characters since this is just gonna be super angsty (since that seems to be all I'm good at writing)

_"Stop! Where are you going?!"_

You sat at a booth in some local diner that was who-knows-how-many miles away from your home. Or...what used to be your home. You saw two lumbering men walk into the diner and sit down not too far from you. You heard them order from the menu, wishing you could've done the same, but all you could afford was a coffee and some water. You sat there until you saw the burger come out for the smaller man. Your stomach growled and you knew you had to get out of there. You quickly went up to the counter to pay your tab, feeling the eyes of the larger man on you. You felt self conscious as quickly left the diner, knowing you had to have looked like a wreck. You were heading back to the side of the road to try to hitch a ride when something caught your eye.

You hadn't seen a car that nice in a long time. You got closer, almost like you were inspecting it. You wanted to reach out and touch it but refrained, not wanting to raise unnecessary suspicion. It wasn't like you were going to steal it. However, looking the way you did at the moment had clearly raised suspicion. You watched as the two men came out of the diner, both looking at you intimidatingly. You just looked at them, holding your ground. "She yours?"

"Yeah, she is." Both men came to a stop in front of you, the smaller one still trying to glare you into oblivion. While he was making you nervous, you weren't going to show that.

"Always been a fan of the impala, personally. What is she, a '69?" His head clearly jerked back in shock. The taller one looked down at him.

"A '67, actually." You could tell he wanted to question you but you didn't leave time.

"I like the black, but there was one in my town that coulda beat it in a beauty contest. She was a cherry red '67. Woulda loved to have my hands on her." You looked at them for a second as you all stood in silence. You clicked your tongue. "Well, I gotta hit it. Nice car, dude." With that, you turned, throwing an arm up, both as a good bye and as a way to push your bag further up your shoulder, and headed to the street. Before you made it far you heard a different voice, the one of the taller man, call to you.

"How old are you?" You scoffed, but didn't turn around.

"I'm eighteen." You shouted over your shoulder, continuing to the road.

"Well, where are you going? Maybe we can give you a ride." You smirked when you heard the smaller one say something in protest.

"I'm goin' to hell, probably." You laughed at your joke, finally stopping to turn and look at them. "For now, though, I'm just goin' wherever. Ya need the address?" You gave a grin, turning back around to walk down the empty road.

"You runnin' from somethin'?" That was the shorter one's voice.

"Myself, currently. But somehow, I always catch up." You hoped that would be the end of it, but your hopes were shattered.

"How long are you going to be running?" You stopped and huffed.

"I dunno, ten or fifteen days, weeks, months, years. Fuck if I knew." You turned around, facing them as you pretty much yelled across the parking lot. "I do know that it's supposed to be a red-flag when two old dudes, especially when they're strangers, ask a bunch of questions."

"We're not old." The short one crossed his arms while the taller one elbowed him. "Besides, it's a red-flag when a kid is randomly wandering around the town."

"For one thing, I'm a legal adult, even if it's just a title. For another, maybe call it towns, with an s. See how many flags that raises." That was you giving up on the conversation, turning back around and following the road.

 

It had been hours since you had run into those two weirdos. You didn't have much choice but to try to find some abandoned house or something to stay the night in. You didn't care what you found as long as it gave you shelter. This wasn't really what you had bargained for. 

You had found some ratty old house off the road a couple of miles, mostly hidden by trees. You expected it to be completely empty, but you were wrong. You walked in to see at least three young-ish blonde girls tied up, four men not far from them. Your heart dropped, not sure what you had come in on, but sure that you had to leave without them noticing you. You hid behind a dresser when you heard more people coming from downstairs. You could hear them talking, catching things about being hungry and needing more than just those three girls. There had to be at least three more people that came down, one of them being a woman. You weren't sure how you were going to get out of there. That's when the door bust open.

"I'm afraid we're gonna have to put a hold on feedin' time." Your eyes widened when you heard that familiar voice. You dared to peek out from behind the dresser, watching as the short man from earlier behead one of the men with a machete. You immediately felt nauseous. You watched as he fought the other people. But they clearly weren't people. You watched as they bared their fangs at him.

"You're outmatched, hunter." One of them snarled at him. He just grinned.

"Wrong." You were as confused as the rest of them, until you saw the taller man from earlier bust in from the back room, beheading more of the..."people" as he went. 

You couldn't help but watch, even though you needed to throw up. Which you promptly did, but nobody noticed. After they had all been beheaded, one head rolling a little too close to you, you watched the men untie the girls. 

"God, I hate vamps." Your eyes went huge. Vampires. You threw up again, unable to stop yourself. Both men swiftly turned, knives raised to attack.

"Easy there, boys." You stepped out from hiding on shaky legs, arms raised in defense. You gave them an awkward, wavering version of a smile. "So...vampires are a real thing."


	2. Easy Street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monsters are real and so are demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't gotten any comments on this telling me to not write it so I'm gonna keep going lol
> 
> There will be possible triggers through the whole story, and just wanna take the time to make that clear right now, ya know

_"Why?! Why are you leaving me?!"_

 

"Okay, I know this probably looks pretty bad." You were face to face with the two men that had just come in and decapitated a bunch of vampires, which are apparently real. "But, you should know I'm not a vampire because I was out in the sun earlier. So...boom. No reason to, ya know..." You gestured from the machetes to your neck.

"She has a point, Dean." The taller one said to the shorter, whose name was apparently Dean. Dean grunted, no longer holding his machete like he was about to attack you.

"What the hell were you doin' here, kid?!" You sighed, picking up your bag.

"Well I was hopin' to spend the night here but, uh, I think I'll find somewhere else." You huffed a small laugh before heading to the door.

"You could've been killed tonight!" Dean's voice wasn't really a yell but it was loud enough for you to stop. You never were a fan of yelling.

"That probably woulda made my life a lot easier." You shrugged. "But oh well. Now, if ya don't mind, I'm gonna go find someplace _without_ vampires in it."

"We'll give you a ride to the nearest motel." The big one came out of the house after you. You laughed.

"Okay, Colossus, do you really think I'd be staying in a supposedly abandoned house if I could afford a motel room?" You laughed again, walking past the impala.

"We'll pay for your room." You stopped, slowly turning around, catching Dean's elbow fly into the larger man's side. "You look like you need it."

"What do you want from me?" You squinted your eyes at them. "You know I can't pay you back."

"We don't want anything from you. Just let us help." The big one's eyes seemed sincere enough, but you shook your head.

"I don't like owin' other people anything." You turned around, starting to walk away again. It was a large hand that wrapped around your arm that stopped you and started pulling you towards the car. You glared up at Dean. "What the hell, man?!"

"Just get in the goddamn car, kid." He roughly pushed you towards the open backseat door, making you stumble inside. "I'm tired, and I know he won't stop talkin' about it all night."

"Fine." You huffed. "Thanks."

 

"There's only one room available." Dean came out of the motel office with a key in his hand.You looked at them, confusion evident on your face. "Looks like you're sharing a room with us, kid."

"What?!" You stepped back. "I JUST met you guys." Dean rolled his eyes and grabbed his stuff from the car before walking to the room.

"Listen, uh..." The big one tried to refer to you by name before he realized he didn't actually know it.

"Y/N."

"Listen, Y/N, you're safe with us." You stared at him.

"I don't even know your real name, Colossus." You gave you a small smile.

"I'm Sam. Dean's my brother." Your eyes widened a little.

"Ohhh, I just thought you guys were...ya know...partners." You raised your eyebrows suggestively and laughed a little. You sighed, pulling your bag from the car. "Whatever, it's been a while since I've had a real shower anyway."

 

Dean was already showering by the time you got up to the room. Sam has already told you you could shower next so you waited by the bathroom. You all but ran inside when Dean came out. You shut the door behind you, quickly jumping in the shower. You didn't think a shower would ever feel so nice, but it felt amazing. You probably spent longer than you should have in the shower but couldn't help it. You finally got out and chose your least dirty outfit to change into, which was still pretty dirty. When you came out of the bathroom you threw your stuff down next to the table before getting a glass of water. Dean looked over at you before scrunching his nose.

"You took a thirty minute shower and still smell gross." Your face reddened a little.

"All of my clothes are dirty, jackass. A shower doesn't fix that." He gave you a weird look, one you couldn't decipher.

"All of your clothes are dirty?"

"Well, yeah. I only have a few and can't really afford to wash 'em." You shrugged, placing your glass on the counter. He sighed.

"Jesus, kid, you're killin' me." He got up from where he was sitting and went over to his bag. He pulled a shirt out and tossed it at you. Before you could say anything, he had also pulled out a pair of what you hoped to be clean boxers. "Put that on. You're grossin' me out."

"You want me to wear _these_?" You held up his boxers by one finger. He rolled his eyes.

"Calm down, kid, they're clean." He looked at you expectantly as you just stood there. "Well? Get dressed."

"Your brother's still in the bathroom." He gave you a look that clearly said "so what" as you stood there. "I'm not changing in front of you, freak."

"Nothin' I haven't seen before, princess." You scrunched your nose in disgust.

"Well ya haven't seen _mine_ before, creep." As if on cue, Sam came out of the bathroom, only for you to replace him. You weren't comfortable wearing only a t-shirt and boxers, especially around two men you had just met, but you were glad to be wearing clean clothing. You came out of the bathroom again, placing your clothes in your bag. 

"Dean, are those your clothes?" You turned to see Sam giving him a weird look. Dean shrugged.

"All of hers are dirty and I'm not havin' either of us sleep with someone wearin' dirty clothes." Your eyes went wide and you choked on the water you were drinking. They gave you a weird look as you tried to stop coughing.

"You expect me to share a bed with one of you?!" You almost yelled it. Dean laughed at your distress.

"It's that or the floor, princess. I'm not sharing a bed with him." He jabbed his thumb in Sam's direction. Dean clapped his hands together before getting under the covers of his bed. "Pick your poison, princess. I gotta warn ya though, I can't control what I do in my sleep." He winked at you then and you scrunched your nose.

"Like I'd wanna sleep in a bed with the likes of you anyway." You spat, climbing into the bed next to Sam while Dean pretended to look hurt.

 

You had woken up only once during the night and it was because you were having trouble breathing. It took you a few panicked moments to realize it was because half of Sam's giant body was on top of yours. You called his name multiple times but he never woke up. If anything, it got worse. You finally managed to get out from underneath him, accidentally throwing yourself on the ground as you did. You let out a soft curse before trying to get him to move over so you could get back on the bed.

"That's why I didn't want to share a bed with him." Dean's voice startled you and you glared through the darkness at him. You gave up on trying to move Sam and headed towards Dean's bed. "What are you doin', princess."

"Move over." You grumbled shoving him over as you got under the covers. "And stop callin' me princess."

 

When you finally woke up again there was sunlight coming through the curtains and there was nobody else in the bed next to you, or across from you for that matter. You sat up in the bed, not seeing any other bags but your own. They must've left already. You shrugged, heading to grab some clothes from your bag. However, all of your clothes were gone. You were standing there in extreme confusion when the motel door opened, Sam and Dean coming into the room.

"Oh look, sleeping beauty is finally up." Dean sent you a grin as Sam closed the door, setting down a bag in front of you.

"We cleaned your clothes." Your eyes widened in surprised and you quickly opened the bag. It was true, inside the bag was all of your clothes and they were clean.

"Oh, uh, thanks. You didn't need to do that." Your face reddened in a blush as you pulled out stuff to wear.

"Well you clearly weren't going to." Dean's remark earned an elbow in his side from his brother. You rolled your eyes and went into the bathroom to get cleaned up. You threw the shirt and boxers at Dean when you came out.

"Well, thanks for the room and ya know, makin' sure I didn't die last night." You laughed a little before picking up your bag. "I dunno about you boys, but I gotta head outta here. Late for a date with destiny, ya know." You headed for the door.

"Wait, Y/N, why don't I give you my number." You gave Sam a weird look, pushing him to continue. "In case you need us for anything. Let me see your phone."

"Oh, I don't have one." The brothers gave a weird look.

"What teenager doesn't have a cellphone?" Dean snorted, his face still twisted in a strange way.

"This one. Had to sell it." You shrugged "Just write it down or somethin'." Sam wrote his number down and handed it to you. "Well, thanks again, but I got shit to do."

 

You had been walking for most of the day, the sun already starting to set when you made it to your destination. A crossroads. You had heard about people doing stuff like this but had never thought of doing it yourself. Until now, of course. You had already buried the box like you were supposed to and now you just had to wait. After five minutes you were ready to give up. You let out a sigh and turned to leave, finding yourself face to face with a man in a nice suit. You stumbled back, mumbling a "holy shit" as you went. He smirked at you.

"Well now, love, what can I do for you?" His accent was slightly gravelly as it came out. You were still surprised it had actually worked.

"You're a, uh, demon. Demons are real too." You huffed out a small laugh. The demon's eyes squinted at you for a moment, his smirk never breaking. 

"Yes, love, I'm a demon. The King of Hell, really." He took a moment to take in your even more surprised features after hearing his title. "Now, I do have things I need to do, so why don't you get on with it already."

"Oh, right, yeah." You cleared your throat. You opened your mouth to speak right as you heard the low rumbling of a car. You looked at the demon, apparently the king, to see his reaction. He grinned at you.

"Oh, love, was this a trap?" Before you could react he had you pressed back against him, some sort of blade at your throat. You gasped loudly, watching as the impala parked in front of you. Sam and Dean climbed out, guns drawn. "Moose, Squirrel, how nice of you to join us."

"What the fuck?!" You couldn't help but yell at the brothers as they came closer. Dean's jaw was set as he glared at you.

"That's what I was gonna ask you, princess." You gulped as the blade shifted against your throat. "Let her go, Crowley."

"Ah, I don't think you're in any position to be making demands, Winchester." Crowley's voice growled from behind you. "One of my men saw you two around her, so I figured I'd answer when she called. Though, I didn't expect the little dove to lead you to me."

"She didn't know we were following her Crowley. Let her go." Sam's eyes looked worried as he looked at you.

"Yeah, Crowley, let her go." Your voice shook as you repeated Sam. Crowley chuckled lowly in your ear.

"Hush now, kitten, let the big boys talk." Normally a phrase like that would've made you flip out on someone. But the blade to your throat left no room of argument. "I'll let her go as long as you two put those guns down. Can't risk getting caught by you two idiots."

"Fine." Sam slowly set his gun on the ground, keeping his hands up. Dean growled and sent the demon a murderous glare as he too set down his gun. You were finally released and stumbled forward.

"I do hate losing business, boys." With that Crowley was gone. You looked between the brothers. Dean was fuming but Sam just continued to look worriedly at you.

"So, uh..." You cleared your throat. "Hey, guys."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to give me suggestions or critiques lol  
> Everything helps


	3. What a Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just updated but then I was put in a shit mood so here I am

"What the fuck were you thinking?!" Dean yelled at you across the road. You hated yelling.

"Well I was thinking I had gotten rid of you two but I guess I was wrong." You spat, glaring at him. You could see his jaw flex.

"This is the second night in a row that we've saved your ass."

"Well maybe my ass doesn't need saving, Dean!" You yelled back at him. You could feel your face heating up in rage. "I especially didn't need your "help" tonight! I knew what I was doing!"

"You knew you were selling your soul?!" It was more of an unbelieving statement than a question. Sure, you knew there would be some sort of payment but you didn't really know it was your soul. But you wouldn't let him know that.

"Yes, I knew that!"

"What the hell could be important enough for a kid like you to sell your soul?!" Your fists were shaking in anger. You looked at Sam, who hadn't said anything, for help. Yet his eyes were also asking the same question.

"Oh piss off! What does it matter?! It was my choice." You stomped your foot, flinging an arm into the air. "And you ruined it! I doubt any of them would answer now because of you two following me."

"Yeah, you're welcome." You wanted to hit Dean.

"Y/N, this isn't the way to solve your problems." Sam finally spoke up. You snorted.

"You don't know anything about my problems." Sam nodded.

"But we do know that you're only eighteen years old. Nothing is worth selling your soul over." You huffed.

"There's nothing worth selling my soul over? The help wasn't for me. It was for my family." You shook your head. "I would've expected you to know something about doing things for your family, but I guess not." You pulled you bag farther up your shoulder, walking in the opposite direction of the Winchesters. "I'm out of here."

"Y/N, stop." Sam called after you but you kept walking. "Y/N we can help."

"No, you can't." You growled, continuing on your path. 

"You don't know that." That time it was Dean's voice, not nearly as angry sounding as he had previously.

"I do know that." You felt your eyes pricking with tears but kept going, blinking them away. 

"We can pull off a lot. We got ways to help you." The voice was quieter the further you got from them but you could still hear him. 

"No human can help this." 

"We have an angel." You stopped in your tracks, turning around slowly.

"You have a _what_?"

 

"You have an angel. Like with wings and a halo." You stated, leaning forward in your spot in the impala. 

"Not sure on the halo part but yeah, with wings and everything." Sam gave you a small smile.

"And you're sure he can help?"

"Yeah, he can. Then you can go home." You shook your head, watching Dean's eyes flip up into the rear-view mirror as he drove.

"Oh, I'm not going back." Sam gave you a confused look, his eyebrows pulled together.

"Whaddya mean you're not going back?" Dean's voice was gruff.

"Part of helping them was my leaving. No way I'd go back." You avoided their eyes, looking out the window.

"How does your leaving help them? They must be crushed that you're gone." You rolled your eyes at Sam's words.

"Trust me, they're better off without me. I caused a lot of issues." You huffed, closing your eyes for a few moments. "So let's just get your angel to help and I'll be outta here again." 

"What about college? You could still make it back in time for this semester." 

"Can't afford it." You slunk down in your seat. "Not that smart anyway, so it would just be a waste." You saw Sam share a look with Dean before looking back at you. "Don't lecture me about it. Tons of people don't go to college."

"We're not going to lecture you." That's all Sam said about it after.

 

You finally arrived to some motel in some rundown town. There was once again only one room available, but this one luckily had a couch. You sat on the edge of one of the beds while Dean was on the phone with the angel, whose name was apparently Castiel. He finally hung up and cleared his throat. "He'll be here soon."

"How soon?" You had just gotten the question out when there was a strange sound and a man was standing in front of you. You jumped, leaning back. "Holy hell."

"There is nothing holy about that wretched place." His voice was gruff and he had tilted his head to the side as he looked at you. Dean laughed, putting his hand on the angel's shoulder.

"It's just an expression, Cas." Castiel nodded in understanding. "This is Y/N."

"Hello. You are the one that requests my help." Castiel gave you what you assumed was supposed to be a smile.

"Oh, uh, yeah. That's me." You gave him a smile in return. "So, you can really help?"

"Well, I will do my best. There may be some problems too large for me to fix like this." You frowned. Sam put a hand on your shoulder.

"Cas, well, doesn't have all of his grace." You quirked an eyebrow. "The stuff that gives him his angel powers."

"Oh." You hung your head, looking at the ground. You raised your head suddenly, looking Castiel directly in the eye. "But you can heal most of her, right?"

"Most likely, yes." Castiel nodded at you. You bit your lip, looking away for a moment. "Your mother is very sick, but I should be able to fix many of her problems."

"Okay. Okay, when can you do it?" He was gone by the time you looked back at him.

"That means soon." Dean chuckled, opening the fridge and grabbing a beer.

 

Sam had been gone for a while, picking up something for the three of you to eat. Dean had decided to shower, being in there for maybe five minutes. You threw caution to the wind, pulling the whiskey out of his bag and took a swig. It burned going down but hell, you didn't care. Alcohol had been a way of coping before you left home and there was no stopping now. You had taken four more swigs before relaxing into the couch. You hadn't even heard the bathroom door open. "What do you think you're doing, young lady?"

"Drinking." You took another swig. You had already been caught so you had nothing to lose. Dean came over and snatched the bottle away from you.

"I don't need an eighteen year old getting drunk." You laughed.

"It takes more than a few swigs of whiskey to get me drunk. Plus, I'm sure your dad let you drink when you were my age." He scowled at you.

"I'm not your dad." He took a swig. You folded your arms over your chest.

"You're sure acting like it." He glared at you and threw the bottle back at you. 

"Fine. But you better not complain when you get a hangover." It was at that moment that Sam came back with food. He set the bags on the table then looked between you and his brother, sighing.

"Dean, you can't give an eighteen year old alcohol." He unloaded the bags but made no attempt to take the bottle from you. You got up from the couch, forgetting about the bottle as you quickly went to the table. You hadn't had a decent meal in days. It took every ounce of self control to not just open every container and eat everything you could.

"Sit down, princess. It's not goin' anywhere." Dean grinned, sitting down at the table. You also sat down, quickly opening the container that Sam handed you. You quickly began eating, not caring about anything. It wasn't until about halfway through your burger that you stopped, setting it down. The brothers looked at you. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing." But that was a lie. Your thoughts were telling you to stop eating, stop making yourself fat. You quickly slapped on a small smile to cover. "Guess I lost my appetite."

"You really should eat, Y/N." Sam looked at you, worry evident in his eyes. You picked up a fry and slowly ate it. After that you just made it seem like you were eating while the brothers talked. You started to get up from the table but Dean stopped you.

"You're not moving until that box is empty." He sat back, taking a drink of his beer. You rolled your eyes.

"I said I wasn't hungry, Dean."

"Yeah, and I call bullshit. You looked like you were starved earlier so I expect you to eat your food." You huffed, crossing your arms. "We got all night, princess."

"You're acting like a dad again." He shrugged, setting his beer down.

"Oh well. Eat your food."

 

It had to be almost midnight when Castiel finally showed up again. You had just come out from showering when he showed up. You looked at him hopefully. "Well? Did ya do it?"

"I fixed what I could." He nodded at you. "Many of her issues are gone now."

"Thanks, Castiel." You smiled, and continued smiling as you laid on the couch. "Well, boys, I'll be out of here in the morning."

"Ah yes, to return to your home." Castiel gave a small smile.

"She says she's not goin' home." Dean's gruff voice came from the kitchen as he took the last sip of his third beer. Castiel tilted his head at you.

"Why? They miss you, Y/N." He stared directly at you, making it feel like he was staring into your soul.

"They're better off that way." You shrugged, pulling the blanket over your heard to signal that you were done talking. The sheet was being pulled back before you knew it, Castiel's curious face mere inches from your own. "Castiel-"

"Why are you so afraid to go back?"


	4. Afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Could be triggering, so read with caution please

"I'm not afraid, Castiel." You huffed, shifting uncomfortably at the close proximity of the angel.

"I can read your mind, Y/N. I know you are afraid and I could check for myself to see why. However, it is much faster for you to just tell us." You could've sworn there was a hint of a smirk on his face as he said it. You sighed loudly.

"First, back up." He backed up from you, giving you room to sit comfortably. "I wouldn't say I'm afraid, and I have a lot of reasons not to go back. For one thing, my parents can't afford life with me there. I got in a wreck and their insurance skyrocketed, not to mention the trouble they were having paying their other bills anyway." You took a deep breath, not meeting the eyes of any of them. "But, uh, what Wings is lookin' for is that, uh, when I was still seventeen my cousin's husband tried to have sex with me. So I'm not going back there."

"Did you tell anyone? Did they not get a divorce?" You finally looked up when Sam spoke, seeing what looked like anger on both of the brothers' faces. You sighed.

"I told my family, and they got a divorce. But part of my family blamed me for it. They stopped eventually, but only because the other part threatened not to see them anymore." You looked down into your lap, pretending to be picking on your nails.

"Well screw them." Dean's voice startled you and you looked up. "He's not there anymore, you can go back."

"No, I can't. He works on an ambulance. It's not a big town. I haven't seen him since that night, and I know he's probably furious with me for ruinin' his marriage." You trailed off at the end, slouching down into the couch. You shrugged, sniffing. "He's an over six foot tall thirty-two year old that I stand no chance against. I just got lucky that night, and he was drunk then anyway." You knew you were babbling about it and could feel your eyes prick with tears, but you blinked them away, sniffing again. "So maybe I am afraid. It doesn't matter."

"Y/N..." You stood from the couch when you heard Sam's voice, avoiding looking at any of them as you walked to the bathroom. You never made it there, however. Before you could protest you were wrapped in a tight hug by the giant. Normally you would've pushed him away, but this time you accepted it. Your hand balled in his shirt and, you weren't sure when it started, cried into his chest. "It's okay, Y/N. He can't reach you here. You're far away from there."

"I can't go back." You sobbed. "They want me to get over it since he stopped but..." Another sob wracked your body.

"Shh, Y/N, you don't have to say anything." Sam stroked his hand down your head in a soothing manner, pulling you closer to him.

 

Dean had insisted that you slept in one of the beds with them instead of on the couch, thinking it would make you feel better. You were laying facing the wall in the bed with Dean, not wanting to be squished under Sam for the second night in a row. "Goodnight, kiddo." You didn't answer Dean, just continue to stare at the wall in front of you. You felt him lean up, presumably looking over at you. "You okay, Y/N?"

"I trusted him, so much." You sniffed again. You heard him shift behind you.

"Ah, kid..." He pulled you closer to him in an attempt to make you feel better.

"I'd known him since I was eleven. We were so close, so I didn't have an issue sharin' a bed with him." You sniffed again, trying to keep away any more tears. "It really is my fault."

"Don't say that." You felt his body tense against you. "None of that was your fault." You shrugged, not fighting him when he rolled you to face him. "He's an asshole, and you should forget about him. You never have to see that jackass again." You let out a soft laugh at the names he called him. You sent him a gentle smile, not knowing if he could see it or not in the dark. 

"Thanks, Dean."

 

As opposed to the previous morning, Dean was still in the bed with you when you woke up the next morning. Sam, however, was no longer in the room at all. You had no idea where he could've been but more pressing matters called your attention. You had to pee. You got up from the bed, careful not to wake up Dean, and quickly headed to the bathroom. While you were in there you looked in the mirror, inspecting yourself. Your eyes were still a little red and your face was puffy from your crying. You sighed, splashing water over your face before exiting the bathroom.

"Mornin' princess." Dean grinned at you from the kitchen, shoving a doughnut in his face. Your confusion subsided once you looked over and noticed Sam at the table, a bag from the doughnut shop in front of him. Sam gestured to the bag and you stepped over, taking one from the bag.

"Thanks." You mumbled, biting into your doughnut.

"We have a case here in town." Sam said, causing you to quirk an eyebrow. "Right,uh, a case is when we find more monsters to take care of. This one should be a simple salt and burn." You just looked at him. "Er, a ghost. That's how you get rid of those."

"Oh. Cool." You shrugged, nodding your head. So ghosts were real too.

"So we figured you'd rather stay here than go with us." You were taken back.

"Stay here? I figured I'd take another shower and leave, but I guess I could stick around until you're done." You sat down at the table. Dean gave you a weird look.

"Leave? Why would you leave?" Now you were really confused.

"Why would I stay?" 

"You don't have a place to go, or any money, Y/N." San's voice was gentle, a contrast to Dean's abrasive tone.

"I'm not a...whatever you're called, hunter or whatever. It doesn't make any sense for me to go with you guys, Sam." You picked at the wood on the table.

"We could train you." You snorted at the suggestion.

"I don't think fightin' monsters is really my thing. Anyways, you told me yesterday that you hate when people are dragged into hunting, Dean." He scowled at you when you reminded him of his own words. You shrugged. "It's all good. I can find a way to make some money and travel the country." You laughed. "People kill to travel all over the place."

"What do you plan on doing to earn money?" Dean narrowed his eyes at you.

"Whatever I have to. It doesn't matter." You rolled your eyes, leaning back in the chair.

"Like hell it doesn't. You're not gonna do something stupid just to get some money." Dean slammed his hand on the table, getting up and going outside. You furrowed your eyebrows.

"What the hell was that?" You turned your attention to Sam. He shrugged.

"You seem like a good kid, Y/N. We just want you to be safe, and with us you would be." He also got up from the table, ruffling your hair as he did. "Just stay until we get back later and think it over some." He headed out of the motel room, following his brother to the car, leaving you alone.

 

The brothers had been gone for hours. You had already taken a nap and a shower. The motel only got so many channels on the tv so you were just watching whatever you could find. You got up to use the bathroom. When you came back out there was a man in the room. You froze. His back was towards you as he watched the tv. He seemed to have noticed you behind him, turning to give you a grin that made your stomach drop. "Ah, Y/N, right?"

"W-what are you doing here?!" It was the man from before, the one that called himself the King of Hell. Crowley, if you remembered correctly. His grin widened.

"Now, love, that's not very hospitable of you." You stepped back when he stepped forwards.

"Sam and Dean aren't here." You rushed the sentence, trying to get him to leave. This whole demon thing was new to you and you didn't know how you were supposed to protect yourself.

"I know those morons aren't here. I was hoping you and I could chat." He smirked, holding a hand up. "A heart to heart, if you prefer." And he snapped his fingers, the world around you spinning.


	5. I Have A What?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes a shock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologize for taking so long on everything. I've been having a lot of associative episodes lately AND college has started. So pretty much everything is a wreck lol
> 
> I'm trying something weird here lol so i hope it works. If it doesn't then I'll scrap it and start this chapter over

_"You really do mess everything up."_

 

The world around you had been spinning and now you felt like you were going to be sick. Your sight was a little wonky but you could still easily make out Crowley in the room, which was very much not your motel room. "What the fuck was that?!"

"Oh, not a fan?" The man gave you a smirk, causing you to glare at him. "I didn't want to chat where those pesky boys might barge in."

"Personally, I would prefer being where they could barge in." You shrugged, looking around you. The place looked a little too nice to be Hell. "So where are we?"

"Just one of the places I have here." He poured himself a drink. "Now, on to more pressing matters. You have something I want."

"Is it my personality." You tended to make jokes when you were nervous, and this was the most nervous you had felt in a long time. Crowley gave you a small huff of a laugh.

"Not this time, love." He took a swig of his drink, sitting down in a leather chair. He gestured to the couch next to you. "Feel free to sit, darling." You slowly sat on the edge of the couch, not wanting to get too comfortable. "I want your soul."

"My problem is already fixed." He closed his eyes, nodding.

"Yes, that is quite problematic for me. It makes this much harder." You gave him a skeptical and confused look. "You see, love, there's something about your soul that I need."

"Well what the hell does that mean?" You were just getting more and more confused.

"Some people have pure souls, they're not easy to get your hands on since they're in such high-demand with the angels these days." You cut him off before he could continue.

"So I have one of those?" He scoffed.

"Not at all." You were taken aback. "You have quite the opposite. Your soul is surprising tainted for a human. I've never seen anything quite like it." You sighed, of course there was something else wrong with you.

"So, what, I was just born with a shitty soul?" He smiled at you.

"Well I wouldn't consider it shitty but some people might. I'm left to assume that you were born like that." Both of you paused. You started to talk but he cut you off. "No, I don't believe you can fix it. Anyways, I want it the way it is."

"Okay, but if it were actually tainted or whatever wouldn't it come to you anyway?" Crowley sipped his drink.

"Not necessarily. Those featherbrains really get in the way sometimes and may try to get to you before it came to me."

"Wouldn't Castiel have mentioned something to me if I had that?" His eyebrows creased.

"He may not have paid close enough attention, which is why I had to talk with you on such short notice. I'm looking to make a deal with you."

"No way." You scoffed. "If you want it then you can wait. If it makes you feel better, I'm more than willing to let it come to you because I sure as hell don't want it."

"Then why not sign it over?"

"You have nothing I want." It felt like the two of you were in a staring contest, trying to get the other to back down. Right as you were sure you were going to lose, Crowley's phone went off. He never took his eyes off you as he answered.

"Hello boys." He sat silently, finally breaking his gaze to roll his eyes. "That's enough threats, don't you think? Our little kitten is perfectly fine." He sat silently for a moment longer before hanging up. "Impatient as always." He stood from his chair, fixing his suit as you also stood. "We should get you back. Think about something I can offer you, I'm sure there's something." He was about to snap his fingers when you thought of something.

"Oh, Crowley-"

"No, he wasn't one of mine. He's just a genuinely awful person." With that he snapped his fingers and the world once again spun around you.

 

You had barely gathered your bearings before you found yourself trapped in a tight embrace. You tried to push Sam back from you just to have him examine you at arm length. "Easy, Colossus, I'm fine."

"Jesus Christ, Y/N, you had us worried sick." Dean stood a few feet behind his brother with an annoyed look.

"It's not like it was _my_ fault your pal Crowley showed up." Okay it was kind of your fault since it was your soul but whatever.

"We're not "pals". What did he want with you anyway?" Dean crossed his arms.

"He wants my soul." Sam looked worriedly at you once more. "No problems, I still have the deed." You tried to lighten the mood but it didn't seem to have an effect.

"What does he want with your soul?" Sam tilted his head while he questioned you. You shrugged, going into the kitchen to get a drink.

"He said it's tainted or something. No big deal." Dean scoffed.

"Yeah, that doesn't sound like a big deal at all. You're on the goddamn king of Hell's radar, that's a big deal." You rolled your eyes at the shorter man.

"He can't force me to sign it over, Dean. It doesn't matter, and it doesn't effect you anyway." Sam sat down at the table, opening his laptop.

"We need to know how to protect you, Y/N." You sighed.

"Crowley has already backed off, and I'm not gonna be around here in a few hours anyway so I don't need protection, Sam."

"Stop acting like you're leaving." Dean sat down next to his brother. "Crowley won't stop until he owns your soul. You better get comfortable cause you're not going anywhere."

 

The boys had spent a surprisingly long amount of time researching what you were referring to as your disease. You had given up fighting them and were currently watching television. "I think I found something." You turned your head to look at Sam. 

"Finally." Dean rubbed his eyes.

"So get this, a tainted soul is supposedly what we normally consider a demon." Of course you were this fucked up. "But there have been instances in some obscure folklore where that isn't necessarily the case. Some humans are pretty much cursed with a tainted soul. There are a few things popping up that could lead to how this happened. Um, do happen to know where your ancestors came from?" You thought for a moment.

"Well my mom's family is mostly German and Dutch. I never met my biological father but I know his side was almost entirely Irish, and if not they were Scottish." You were hoping that helped him enough.

"Okay so in Celtic mythology there was a witch that practiced evil magic named Carman. I guess she was known for placing curses on people, but when she was killed the curses were supposed to be broken, but who knows. There's also something called a Caoranach, and it was supposed to be female. She was supposedly the mother of demons and devils, but was supposedly killed in a lake called Loch Dearg. I'm almost sure I didn't pronounce that right, but you get the gist." 

"So, pretty much, assuming either of those are involved, I'm destined to be, like, evil." Yeah, that figures. 

"Come on, don't look at it like that, kid." Dean, sighed.

"Yeah, because there are tons of other ways to look at it. I know literally nothing about my father and his family. For all I know they could've been cursed, or descendants, or part of some other fucked situation." You heard the sound of ruffling fill the room, looking up to see Castiel near the door.

"Something has come to my attention about Y/N's soul."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please PLEASE let me know if the idea worked or not


	6. Powers of Protection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I got two comments saying this was good so I'm gonna keep going lol

_"You don't deserve love. You don't deserve anything."_

 

All of you just looked at the angel for a moment before Sam finally spoke. "Yeah, Cas, we know too."

"Oh." The angel seemed to be at a loss of words.

"Crowley told me." You could see he was trying to figure out why you knew already. His look became hard.

"You did not sell your soul to him, correct?" You had yet to see Cas so serious, which is probably how he was supposed to look, you guessed.

"I'm still the owner, yeah." You nodded, giving him a thumbs up. You could see his physically relax.

"Good." He nodded his head, turning his attention to the boys. "You cannot let her sell her soul to him. She's still on the path to Heaven."

"Crowley said he would probably get my soul whether I sold it to him or not." Castiel shook his head at you.

"He will say anything he can to get what he wants." You looked to Sam.

"Does that mean we can fix me? Crowley said we couldn't but he may have just been saying that." This is the first time since your encounter with the King of Hell that you actually felt hopeful.

"It's possible."

"I do not see why you wouldn't be able to fix your soul." Castiel gave you what you assumed was supposed to be a reassuring smile. He looked back at Sam and Dean. "We need to find ways to protect her until then. I suggest taking her to the bunker."

"The what?"

 

"So you guys have a bunker that keeps out angels and demons and shit like that?" You were leaned forward in the backseat of the impala.

"Basically, yeah." Sam smiled over his shoulder at you before exchanging looks with Dean. You narrowed your eyes at them.

"That look isn't very reassuring." You slumped back in the seat, looking out the window. "So where is this place anyway?"

"Kansas." Dean was the one to answer you this time. You didn't see him watching you in the rearview mirror as your eyes slight panic came through you. You tried to keep your composure.

"Are you, uh, really sure this bunker thing is the safest place? Maybe there's somewhere else that would be better." Dean shook his head.

"Nope, that's the safest place. You got somethin' against Kansas?" You gulped, quickly putting on your best look of indifference.

"Nope." You noticed you were coming up on a town. "Um, I'm kind of hungry."

"I could eat. Dean, find a place to stop." A small diner came into view and Dean pulled into a parking spot. You all climbed out of the impala, heading into the diner.

"I have to go to the bathroom." You left the guys to get a table before heading to the bathroom. You closed to door behind you and locked it. You couldn't go to Kansas. It was far to close to home. Well, what used to be your home. You had to get out of there. You noticed a window above the sink. It was high up, but it was going to have to work. You had just gotten your footing on the sink and the window opened when there was a knock at the door. "Just a minute!" Of course you weren't going to open the door, you were going out the window. You hauled the upper part of your body up through the window when you suddenly heard the door open and close. You know you locked the door so how-

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" You froze when you heard Dean's voice behind you. He was grabbing at your legs and pulling back down into the bathroom before you could do anything. You cling to the windowsill and kicked at Dean but it didn't do any good. "Stop actin' like that, princess."

"Let me go!" You still fought against him but his arm was wrapped around your middle and the game was over. He still didn't let you go once your feet were back on the ground.

"Mind tellin' me what the hell that was about?" You huffed, still trying to get out of his grasp.

"Nothin'." 

"Like hell it was nothin'. You were trying to get out of here like you were on a bad date." He finally let you go and you turned around to face him. "This is about the bunker isn't it."

"I don't want to go."

"Well tough shit. It's the best place we have to protect you."

"Well maybe I don't need you to protect me! All I have to do is not sell my soul and I'm fine!" You crossed your arms, glaring at Dean. He rolled his eyes. 

"You know you need to be protected. You know Crowley won't stop. What's your issue with the bunker? What's your problem with Kansas? Don't say nothing cause it's clearly something if you tried to go out the window over it." You turned you back to him, taking a deep breath.

"I spent all this time trying to get away from my home, and now you're dragging me to the next state over." You could hear him sigh behind you as he moved closer.

"Come on, kid, it'll be okay. You'll have Sam and I with you. We can protect you from more that just Crowley, ya know." You knew he was right. You also knew there was no use fighting him anymore on it, especially in a public restroom. You sighed. 

"Fine." You both left the bathroom to head back to the table. A waitress was standing outside and gave a weird look to the two of you. She had seen you go in by yourself.

"Sir, you can't just walk into a bathroom with somebody else in there!" She seemed like she was getting ready to kick him out. You stepped closer to her.

"You'll have to excuse my dad. He saw that I was upset before I went in and decided to check on me. My mom died a few months ago and it's been hard on both of us." Her face immediately flushed with embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't know." You gave her a small smile.

"It's alright. A simple mistake." She quickly fled into the kitchen as you started walking back to the table.

"Your dad?" Dean scoffed behind you. You rolled your eyes, sitting down in the booth next to Sam.

"Better than letting her think you were some old creep that walked in on an eighteen year old in the bathroom. I saved your ass." He grumbled, turning his attention to the menu as Sam gave a small chuckle.

 

The bunker was still quite a few hours away so the boys decided a motel would be the best option. Dean came back with two room keys. You were finally going to get some privacy. "They had a single and a double. Alright sweetheart, take your pick?" You gave him a weird look.

"Take my pick of rooms? Wouldn't it make sense that I get the single?"

"Unless you just really want to share a bed then I wouldn't pick the single." Your face twisted in extreme confusion. "Pick who you're sharing a room with. We can't protect you very well if you're in your own room."

"That's stupid. I'd be right next door." Dean shook his head.

"Doesn't matter. Pick one." You huffed dramatically.

"Fine, I pick Sam." You snatched the keys from Dean, ignoring his feigned look of hurt. You barged in the room, throwing you bag down as Sam came in behind you. "This is stupid."

"Sorry, Y/N. We just want to keep you safe." You sighed.

"I'm taking a shower." You went into the bathroom, taking a hot shower. It was still nice getting used to taking those again. By the time you got dressed in clean clothes, which you had thanks to the boys, and exited the bathroom, Sam was already asleep in one of the beds. You laughed a little. "Great protection."

 

The next day came faster than expected and before you knew it you were back in the backseat of the impala. You had been watching out the window, which was actually extremely boring considering everything in Kansas was just different types of fields. Soy, corn, wheat. It all became very boring very fast. Finally you came to what you assumed must have been the bunker. You followed closely behind Sam as he walked inside. When he flicked the lights on you couldn't help but let you jaw drop. "Holy shit." This place was huge.

"You haven't even seen all of it." Sam chuckled as he led you down the staircase. He led you down a hallway, passing a few rooms as you went before he stopped in front of one. "This is your room. Mine is back the way we just came and Deans is down just a little further. Do you need anything?"

"No, I think I'm good. Thanks, Sam." You stepped into the room, sending him a smile. 

"I'm going to be in the library if you need me. I'm sure we have something here to help figure out your soul thing." He closed the door behind him when he left. You would just have to figure out where the library was later.

It had been a few hours after your arrival to the bunker when you started to get hungry. You were sure you'd eventually come across the kitchen if you just wondered around. You were coming up on what you assumed was the library since you could hear Sam's voice. You assumed he was just talking to Dean but the voice that answered made your heart speed up. You rounded the corner and suddenly all three men's eyes were on you.

"See this is why I wasn't reassured earlier." Sam gave you a worried look, Dean rubbed his hand down his face, and Crowley gave you a grin.

"Hello again, darling."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments on how you feel, what you want to see, etc!


	7. I'm so tired

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so tired all the time but thank the gods I don't have class until 2 on Tuesdays 
> 
> This may seem sketch but its angsty and thats all i'm good at

_"You're only ever going to be good for sex. Even then you're just going to be a disappointment."_

 

No one had said a word since the king had greeted you. "Well? I assume there's a damn good reason he's here."

"I missed you too, love." Crowley sent you a wink, causing you to scrunch your face up in disgust.

"We work together sometimes, Y/N. He may be here every once in a while." Sam gave you a sympathetic look but all you could do was roll your eyes.

"Oh yeah, 'come to the bunker, you'll be safe there' and 'basically nothing inhuman can get in'." You mocked the guys, even though you could tell Sam felt bad. Crowley chuckled like it was the funniest thing he had heard all day.

"Oh yes, I heard about how your daddy dearest here had to keep you from climbing out the bathroom window." You sent him a confused, but definitely disgusted look, just as Dean and Sam did. "I have eyes everywhere, love."

"Don't call him that, for one thing. It's gross." Crowley shrugged his shoulders at you. Dean sighed.

"We'll get him out of here in a little bit. Just go to your room until then." You rolled your eyes but started leaving the room anyway. You raised one more point before you left completely.

"Shit like 'go to your room' is part of why he called you that." 

 

It had been at least an hour since you had walked in on that secret meeting held in the library. Finally you heard a knock at your door. You got up to answer, finally the boys were going to let you out. You opened the door to see the grinning face of a certain demon on the other side. "Care for a chat?"

"No." You immediately closed the door. The second you turned around you saw him sitting on your bed. 

"That was a bit rude now wasn't it, kitten." You rolled your eyes, making sure to keep as much space as possible in between you. 

"I'm not selling my soul." He sighed.

"I knew you'd say that at first. I just want to remind you that I can give you anything you want. Fame, fortune, hell I could supply you with all the sex you wanted at any time." You scrunched your nose.

"I would not sell my soul for dick." He chuckled, standing from your bed. 

"I have more body parts than just a dick, love. And I'll let you know that I sold my soul for dick, just an extra couple of inches." You were sure you weren't able to hide the disgust from your face. He was literally trying to get you to sell your soul for sex, with him, no less. He walked a little closer to you and you stepped back as he did.

"Not a chance." He smirked at you as your back hit the wall. He put his hands in his suit pockets, his feet almost touching yours due to proximity.

"I can give you a test run, if you'd like. Make sure you're willing to buy the product before the deal is set." You almost felt like you would be sick. You knew he was trying to be charming, and it might've worked on some other girl, but you were not that girl.

"The answer is no." Crowley sighed again, bringing a hand up to rub at his beard.

"Come now, darling. I'm just trying to do something that would help us both out. I get your soul and in exchange I'll take your mind off of what's-his-face any time those nasty memories come back up." Your head felt foggy. You weren't sure if it was in sadness, rage, or what.

"You know what takes my mind off of what's-his-face? Not having him brought up." You could feel your face flushing. For the first time since he had shown up, Crowley was no longer smirking or grinning or anything else, but he had a serious expression.

"It seems I've struck a chord."

"Get out. Now." You could feel yourself shaking, but you also couldn't feel anything at all.

"Now, pet, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Get the fuck out, now!" You heard your yell more than you felt it. Crowley was gone in a flash and your door had been flung open. You turned around just in time to be embraced by Dean before you felt tears coming out of your eyes. You clung to his shirt.

"It's alright, princess. I got you." He rubbed your back as you cried into him, occasionally stroking your hair as well. You didn't see Sam since Dean's body have essentially engulfed you but you heard his footsteps. "Get Castiel to come down here as soon as he can."

 

You were sitting cross-legged on your bed watching Castiel work. You occasionally sniffed, still not completely calmed down, and you could tell it was distracting him but you couldn't stop. He had finally finished, turning to face you. He gave you a smile, which you would normally find awkward but was actually somehow comforting this time. "I have finished."

"I don't even know what you did." You mumbled, not wanting to offend him. He nodded his head.

"Sam asked me to ward your room against demons. Crowley cannot come in here to bother you again." You gave him your own smile. This angel had come through for you more times than one in the past 4 or so days that you'd known him.

"Thank you, Castiel." He gently smiled, nodding at you.

"Of course." Sam and Dean finally reentered your room, gaining both of your attentions. "It's done."

"Thanks man." Sam clapped his hand on Castiel's shoulder.

"I must leave now. Y/N, you should rest." A fluttering of wings was all that filled the silence. Sam sat on the edge of your bed, placing a hand on your leg.

"Y/N, we shouldn't have brought him here. We especially shouldn't have left you alone where he could get to you. We're really sorry." You nodded, wiping your nose as you sniffed again. Dean sat on the other side of you.

"Sammy's right. But you need to know that we occasionally have to work with that jackass, but we'll never let him get near you alone again." He placed an arm around your shoulder. "Cas was right, you need some rest." Both men stood from your bed, heading out the door.

"Wait!" You fiddled with your sheets for a moment, both men stopped in the doorway. "This is gonna sound really embarrassing since I'm, like, an adult and was just complaining last night about not having any privacy...but can one of you stay with me?" Sam and Dean exchanged looks before Dean came back over to your bed, crawling in next to you.

"Get some sleep, Y/N." Sam smiled at you before turning off your light and closing your door. You got comfortable, laying down next to Dean.

"Thanks for staying with me." You mumbled, still embarrassed to be afraid to sleep alone. Dean scooted closer to you so you could feel his arm against yours.

"No problem, sweetheart. I'll protect you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave suggestions for the next chapter!! or requests for things you want me to write separately!


	8. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hurt by Johnny Cash (Originally by Nine Inch Nails but tbh I like Johnny's version a little better)
> 
> This could be triggering!!! Please read with caution!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really love this song and thought I would try to incorporate it into a chapter
> 
> You also get some background info
> 
> I got emotional writing this lmao oops

_"I can't feel anything."_

 

When Crowley had shown up again to work with the boys you had asked to borrow Sam's phone and listen to music so you didn't have to pay attention to the particular demon. Now you were leaning back in one of the chair in the library, feet propped up on the table and eyes closed. You had found one of your favorite songs, putting it on loop as you dozed off.

_I hurt myself today_  
_To see if I still feel_  
_I focus on the pain_  
_The only thing that's real_

_You couldn't believe what had happened. Only thirteen years old when it had happened. "You should pay more attention. It was clear what his intentions were." They had told you. No, it wasn't clear what his intentions were. You thought he was being nice. Why would you, a thirteen year old, know he was trying to get in your pants? He was attractive anyway, he could've had anyone he wanted. "You were just so easy. You're lucky nothing happened."_

_The needle tears a hole_  
_The old familiar sting_  
_Try to kill it all away_  
_But I remember everything_

_You couldn't even do this right. At fourteen years old you couldn't even hurt yourself correctly. You were too afraid to take a knife and actually slice through your skin. The safety pin barely scratched your skin. Sure it stung, but it wasn't what you needed. You deserved more and you couldn't even do it right._

___What have i become_  
_My sweetest friend_  
_Everyone I know goes away_  
_In the end_

_An old friend had reappeared in your life. You told him you liked him when you were fifteen. You knew he didn't like you back, he said so. But you were willing to do anything you could to make him happy. "It's not a big deal. I think I'm starting to like you."_

___And you could have it all_  
_My empire of dirt_  
_I will let you down_  
_I will make you hurt_

_You sent him all the pictures he wanted, whenever he wanted. He talked about getting physical but nothing ever happened, luckily. You didn't want to, but you were willing to do whatever, just for him to possibly be with you. Even though he had a girlfriend._

___I wear this crown of thorns_  
_Upon my liar's chair_  
_Full of broken thoughts_  
_I cannot repair_

_Then it was over. At sixteen you were begging him to stay friends with you. "You really think I liked you? You were just good to get off." You still begged him to stay. You just wanted him to be with you. And again, you couldn't even hurt yourself correctly. Still, you woke up in the morning, instead of staying asleep forever like you had planned the night before when you took the pills._

___Beneath the stains of time_  
_The feelings disappear_  
_You are someone else_  
_I am still right here_

_You had been happy. Your cousin had married a fantastic man when you were sixteen. You were part of the wedding party. It was great, until you started thinking of your old friend. You had wanted to marry him, but he just wanted you so he could get off._

___What have I become_  
_My sweetest friend_  
_Everyone I know goes away_  
_In the end_

_You had let him into the bed, it was only 5 a.m. You were seventeen. You had only ever trusted this man. Feeling his hand on your stomach had you confused but you had ignored it, thinking he was asleep. Then his hand was between your legs, and you jerked. "Are you still a virgin?" Your voice had cracked when you answered, yes. The his hand was back on your stomach, just holding you to him. "I would never do anything to make you not trust me." Of course he wouldn't._ "Uh oh, boys. It looks like our little dove is having a nightmare. You need to wake her." 

___You could have it all_  
_My empire of dirt_  
_I will let you down_  
_I will make you hurt_

_Again you had tried so many times, but you just weren't strong enough to end it. Your family was still divided when you were eighteen because of that night. You just wanted to leave, forever. It was your fault for what had happened._ "You need to wake her now. Come on, Moose, this is time sensitive." _If you hadn't let him in the bed then nothing would have happened. Your family would have stayed put together. It was all your fault, and you couldn't even kill yourself correctly._ "Y/N." 

_If I could start again_  
_A million miles away_ "Y/N!"  
_I would keep myself_  
_I would find a way_ "Y/N wake up!" 

You flung yourself forward, legs hitting the ground as you started gasping for air. The boys were staring at you in shock, but Crowley was simply frowning. He came close to you, and this time you just sat there, watching him. He stopped your music, putting a hand gently to your face. "Don't think like that, love. None of that was your fault." Your eyes widened, matching the expressions of the boys. Crowley had read your mind while you were dreaming. He had seen everything you had seen, felt everything you had felt, heard everything you had heard. You didn't know if that made you feel better or worse. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If there are any songs or any ideas you guys have for additional chapters of this, my other works, or a stand alone fic then please let me!!


	9. Teir Abhaile Riu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Research does good for the soul

The boys had been busy with Crowley on some sort of case they were working, you weren't sure what it was. So you had decided to work on research on your own. You had to figure out this soul business. You borrowed Sam's laptop while he was searching the library for some book he wasn't even sure they had. You had been reading every wiki page possible and every other site that claimed to be helpful for Celtic mythology just to try to find more on these woman Sam had found previously. You weren't sure how you had ended up on this page, but you had made it to some Wikipedia page about some island named Skye. Your eyes scanned the page. A familiarly foreign voice met your ears as you finished reading the line _"The most powerful clans on Skye in the post-Norse rule were Clan MacLeod..."_

"Hello, boys." Your head suddenly felt fuzzy. Sam, Dean, and Crowley watched as you approached the king. "Hello, love." He narrowed his eyes at you. "Something seems off with you, kit-" He was cut off by your fist colliding with his face. 

"Y/N! What the hell?!" Dean yanked you back from Crowley, who was currently rubbing where you had made contact. You blinked a few times, looking between the shocked faces of all the men. Your eyes came to rest on Crowley's, tilting your head at seeing his slightly bloody lip.

"What happened to him?" You suddenly felt a pain shoot through your hand, pulling it up and seeing blood. "What happened to _me_?"

"Do you seriously not remember what just happened?" Sam gave you a worried look. You shook your head.

"I was reading and the next thing I know Dean's holding me over here." Sam left the shelf he was looking at circling around to the laptop.

"I could tell something was wrong with the little dove. I didn't expect you to hit me, though." You mumbled a sorry to the king, rubbing your hand. Sam looked up at you from the laptop as Crowley healed himself. 

"What does this page have to do with your research?" You shrugged, walking over to the computer again.

"I don't know, it just felt like something I was looking for would be there. That's the last thing I remember reading." You pointed over Sam's shoulder. Sam looked up at Crowley.

"You ever hear of the Isle of Skye." Crowley looked up, thinking for a moment.

"Yes, actually. My family had claims to part of it a long time ago, and I mean a very long time ago." 

 

You would occasionally sleep in a bed with one of the brothers, only on nights you would be woken up by really bad nightmares. This time you had crawled into bed with the giant, making sure he knew you were there so he wouldn't almost kill you like last time. You closed your eyes, hoping for better dreams this time.

_You had been hearing voices off in the distance. You stood from your spot on the grass, walking over the hills and up to a tree. You weren't sure what kind it was but the voices were clear now. There was a woman, but you couldn't understand what she was saying, it wasn't English. You looked around, trying to find who it was coming from, seeing nothing but rolling hills. You had no idea where you were, and it had just dawned on. You heard a man's voice this time, even what you were sure was a name. CuChulain. You had never heard that before. You leaned a hand on the tree. There was suddenly a blinding light._

_You looked around, unsure of where you were, once again. You heard the voices again, once again following where they led you. This time, your eyes fell upon a man and a woman. You heard her call him CuChulain but couldn't understand otherwise. Finally, the two noticed you were there. CuChulain looked like he was ready to kill you, but the woman just smiled. "Y/N, you're finally here." Your eyes widened. She spoke to you in English, her accent heavy._

_"I don't know where I am. I don't even know who you are." The woman chuckled._

_"Of course you do. Now, show him what he's doing wrong." You were taken aback. You had no idea what she was talking about. Before you could object, she was speaking to him in the foreign language again. He had slipped into what you could only describe as a battle stance. You immediately felt panic._

_"What do you expect me to do?!" You looked to the woman for help, backing up some._

_"Do what you do best, Y/N." She seemed so confident but you thought she was crazy. You couldn't fight! Who did she think you were?! You started panicking. "It'll be fine Y/N. Y/N, do you hear me? Y/N."_

You woke up to Sam shaking you, but you weren't laying down. You looked around, noticing you were in the war room. "Y/N, are you okay?" 

"How did I get out here?" You felt so groggy, blinking the sleep from your eyes. Sam sighed, throwing his arm around your shoulder and walking you back to his bedroom.

"I woke up and you weren't in bed anymore. When I left to find you I could hear you yelling." You snorted. You had no idea you were a sleepwalker. "How long have you been able to speak Gaelic?"

"Speak _what_?"

 

You were still disoriented the next day. You could apparently speak Gaelic, even though you had no idea you could do that and couldn't understand it now that you were awake. You were using Dean's laptop this time, searching for this CuChulain. This immediately came up for him from dozens of websites and you even saw that their were stories of him. You clicked on his Wikipedia page. A warrior. Not just any warrior, but one of the most famous in Celtic folklore. You had gone to multiple websites, all of them saying relatively the same thing. He had gone to some place, Dun Scaith. You searched that, gasping at the results.

"What?" Dean looked up from his book, looking almost like he was worried. You cleared your throat.

"So when I was reading about the Isle of Skye I knew I was supposed to find something, but I didn't know what it was. But it was this, the 'Fortress of Shadows'. It's where CuChulain trained. Ya know, the guy from my dream." You turned your attention back to the computer, missing the look the two brothers shared.

"Listen, Y/N, you shouldn't put everything into this CuChulain thing." You narrowed your eyes at Dean. "Just because you dreamed about it doesn't mean it's something that'll actually help."

"Dean, I can _feel_ it. I know it has something to do with this whole soul shitshow." You ran your hand through your hair, leaning forward in your chair. When you pulled your hand out on front of you you froze. Sudden flashed on a woman flashed before your eyes. You could hear her voice. She said she could help you, but she seems afraid of you almost. Another flash of the woman crossed your eyes and this time you were with her. It wasn't the same woman from the dream, but you needed to find her. You knew you would find her, but you weren't sure how.

"Y/N? Y/N, are you okay?" Sam came over, kneeling by you and placing a hand on your shoulder. You blinked a few times, looking between the brothers.

"So, uh, do you guys think someone could read their own future?"

 

"There's no way it's that bitch." Dean was pacing the kitchen. Sam sighed, placing a sandwich down in front of you.

"I don't like it either, Dean, but she fits Y/N's description." 

"We can't trust her, Sam. She'll probably try to screw Y/N over." You honestly hadn't expected the boys to know who you had seen.

"We have to try. She could help us fix Y/N's soul, or at least help us figure out why it is the way it is." 

"I agree with Sam." You chimed in, taking a bite of your sandwich. "She said she could help in my vision. Anyways, how bad can this Rowena lady really be?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave comments


	10. Go to Hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends. Please review pre and post chapter notes from Chapter 10 of Angel of the Lord for like how I'm going to be taking breaks and other items like that
> 
> I've had a bit of writers block with this but can hopefully get back in the swing of things soon

_"You're so weak."_

 

"Do you really want me to bring her above ground, boys? I can't really see that ending well." Crowley had a small frown as he stood in front of the boys.

"We can't take Y/N there." Sam was pacing slightly. You sat on the library table. You hadn't really thought about going to hell while still being alive but, hey, adventure is out there. Crowley scoffed.

"It's safer than bring her here. You've already seen the chaos she causes." Dean grumbled at the king's point.

"I'm fine with going there." You spoke up, drawing the attention of all three men to you. Dean shook his head. You rolled your eyes before he could speak. "You can't stop me, Dean. If Rowena's not coming to me then I'll go to her." Crowley chuckled.

"I do like this one. She's got a lot of spark." He clapped his hands together, smirking at the boys. "Looks like it's settled. I assume I can't convince you idiots to stay behind?"

"Not a chance." Dean basically growled. He clearly didn't like this idea. A snap of Crowley's fingers and the world span around you.

 

Your eyes were met by a dimly lit room. It really just looked like a records room, or maybe an antique room, but the large chair led you to assume this must have been a throne room or something. You heard a voice before you saw the woman. "Fergus! What are those Winchesters doing here?!"

"Mother, you know I hate that name." A redheaded woman was finally in your view. It was the woman from your vision. She scoffed.

"Yes, because Crowley is so scary and intimidating." She rolled her eyes before glaring at the tall men with you. She seemed taken aback, finally noticing you. "Who might you be, deary?" 

"Oh, I'm Y/N." She narrowed her eyes for a moment, thinking you over. Crowley sighed.

"Kitten, this is Rowena, my mother." He seemed reluctant to say the last part. Rowena didn't pay any attention to him, still staring at you. "As much as I'm against it, and I really am against it, she can help you with your soul." She finally looked from you to him, slightly bewildered.

"Help her with what? There's nothing to help." Now it was your turn to be surprised.

"But I had a vision and in it you said you could help me. You could help me lift the curse or whatever." She looked at you sadly.

"I don't know what these three idiots have told you, love, but there's no curse on your soul. It's your bloodlines." At least at this point you weren't the only one confused.

"What do you mean by that?" Sam spoke, looking at you with great concern. 

"I mean what I said. She's not under a curse, it's how she was born." You sighed.

"So, I can't fix it?" She chuckled.

"You can't change your ancestors."

"Trust me, I've tried." Crowley grumbles, earning a glare from his mother. Before anything could be discussed further, you felt a strange humming in your body. You suddenly felt like you were supposed to find something amongst the relics of the room. You slowly started forward the humming growing stronger. "Where are you going, love?"

"Y/N, come back over here. There's no telling what's in this dump." Dean's voice was gruff, but you kept going. When you started towards one corner, the humming felt weaker, but when you changed course it slowly became stronger and stronger.

"I just...it feels like there's something over here I need..." You mostly mumbled, too focused on the job at hand. Your eyes finally landed on a spear, and the humming had grown to an unreasonable intensity. You placed your hand on the weapon, gasping loudly as some sort of jolt rushed through you.

"Y/N?!" Sam's voice startled you as you gripped the spear.

"Be careful with that, pet!" Crowley backed away as you turned slowly, spear in hand and eyes wide. Rowena also backed up, glaring at Crowley.

"Why do you even have that?!" Crowley just shrugged, never taking his eyes off of you.

"What's the big deal?" Dean narrowed his eyes at Crowley and Rowena.

"It's a very deadly weapon on regular people, Squirrel. It starts as a spear but separates into multiple parts when it stabs you." You looked down at the weapon in your hand.

"I'm supposed to have this. This is mine." You didn't know why, but you knew nonetheless. You looked back up to see Rowena looking weary of you.

"What?" The men had also turned their attention to her. She sighed, eyes not leaving you.

"It's the Gae Bulg. It was gifted to CuChulainn by the maker of the weapon-" You cut her off before she finished, your words breathy.

"Scathach."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It clearly has nothing to do with this chapter or with this story at all, BUT I just want to let you all know that I've been having small and ongoing crises about Meg. I literally miss her so much and she deserved better. Rachel Miner said she would love to play her again so maybe someday she'll be back *crosses fingers*
> 
> I have literally spilled an unreasonable amount of tears over her even though I haven't seen 8x17 in YEARS
> 
>  
> 
> Feel free to and PLEASE leave comments!


	11. Normalcy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey pals i'm back w a new chapter!!
> 
> I am still not well, as mention in the notes of AAOTL, but here we go my dudes
> 
> This chapter won't be long but it's here at least lol

Everyone had been quiet for so long, letting everything sink in. It was finally you that spoke up, your attention on Rowena. "So that's my bloodline? Scathach is why I'm like this?"

"It appears so, deary."

"Who the hell is that?" Dean voiced the boys' utter astonishment. Crowley sighed, seemingly annoyed.

"She's a Celtic goddess of warriors and those who die in battle. She would teach the greatest warriors, like CuChulain. She would escort the dead from the battlefield to the Lands of Eternal Youth." His eyebrows were drawn together as he spoke. "Y/N, here, seems to be the first girl to be born since Scathach's daughters."

"So that's why I'm having this..." You gestured to your torso. "issue?" Crowley grunted in acknowledgment.

"Oh, Fergus, there's no reason to get so fussy about it." Crowley sent his mother a glare, a scowl placed on his face. "He tends to get grumpy when he can't get what he wants."

"What does that mean?" Sam seemed on edge, as did his brother. Crowley huffed.

"I can't get her soul now. If she dies then she won't really die, she'll go to be with Scathach." 

"Did you say if?" You were unsure of what that could possibly mean.

"You won't die from old age or disease, you'd have to be killed." You stood in silence for a moment, all eyes on you. You finally cleared your throat, looking at the spear you were still holding.

"Um, so, I wanna go home. This is a lot. And I'm keeping this, by the way." You held up the weapon for a moment to emphasize what you were talking about. Nobody involved seemed to like your wanting to keep the weapon, but in knowing the damage it could do, nobody argued.

 

You had agreed to let the boys put up the spear for safe keeping. You honestly felt exhausted. You finally knew why you were the way you were, which was great, but boy oh boy was it draining. Sam had checked on you at least ten times since you'd returned from Hell. You never knew what to say every time he did. A week ago you were just hitchhiking and hoping for the best. Now you were living with two strange men that hunted monsters for a living AND found out that you were related to some sort of goddess? What did that make you? Not simply Y/N anymore, that's for sure. There was another knock at your door and you sighed. "Go away, Sam."

"Try again, sweetheart." You sighed, getting up to open the door. You knew he wouldn't leave you alone if you didn't. 

"I'm fine." That didn't stop him from barging his way into your room. 

"Someone who's fine doesn't lock herself up in her room with..." He pulled a bottle of whiskey out from under the bed. "This." You folded your arms, looking away.

"I wasn't drinking it yet. How'd you know I had it?"

"Well neither of us had it." He unscrewed the lid, taking a swig and sitting on your bed. He held it out to you. You were taken aback but took it from him anyway, drinking out of it. "Sometimes you just need a drink."

"This is really fucked up, ya know." You took another swig out of the bottle as he huffed out a laugh. "Tell me something fucked up about you to make me feel better. Ya know, other than the monster hunting part."

"There's a lot." He laughed slightly, taking the bottle from you for a drink. "Okay, well, one time I went to Purgatory, and when I came back, I brought a vampire with me by hiding him in my arm." You were both silent for a moment before he took another drink.

"That does make me feel better." You couldn't help but laugh at that point. It was just such a wild thing to hear. A rumbling laugh started to come from his body as well.

"Sam has really fucked up story about his soul that would make you feel pretty good. You should ask him about it some time." You nodded, getting a drink from the bottle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE leave suggestions and ideas in the comments!! 
> 
> I have a few requests for separate works I received in the past that I haven't started working on since i'm a garbage person lol but they will eventually happen (just wanted to address that)

**Author's Note:**

> Idk just the regular, leave comments and everything ya feel like leaving!


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